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So your first choice isn’t the best

For some reason, we often expect our first choice to be the optimal choice. However, it’s actually quite normal for your first attempt to be incorrect or wrong. This is especially true of the major decisions that we make in life.

Think of the first person you dated. Would this person have been the best choice for your life partner? Go even further back and imagine the first person you had a crush on. Finding a great partner is complicated and expecting yourself to get it right on the first try is unreasonable. It’s rare that the first one would be the one.

What is the likelihood that your 22-year-old self could optimally choose the career that is best for you at 40 years old? Or 30 years old? Or even 25 years old? Consider how much you have learned about yourself since that time. There is a lot of change and growth that happens during life. There is no reason to believe that your life’s work should be easily determined when you graduate.

When it comes to complex issues like determining the values you want in a partner or selecting the path of your career, your first attempt will rarely lead to the optimal solution.

James Clear

Every person

Every person has a story-and if you look hard enough you'll find a dark place.

You owe it to your future self

Especially when you are early in your career, one of the worst things you can do is sacrifice learning opportunities, growth, and valuable connections for ego. You owe it to your future self to make decisions today for the right reasons and the long term. -Clara Shih

Enemies

Enemies are people whose story you haven't heard, or who's face you haven't seen. -Irene Butter

Dealing with Hard-Headed Men

Men are generally pretty thick-headed. But a man’s hard-headedness can work in your favor. Most of the time, their desires and motivations are pretty upfront.

 “He’s frowning." Does it mean he is mulling over that argument you had? Nope. He’s just hungry.

If you think much below the surface, you are likely to miss what many men are feeling and waste time attributing to them a level of emotional depth they seldom reach. You can (if you like) get miffed and back the guy in a corner. If you do, many men will simply cling to their position. If this happens, you will be able to point to their aggressive behavior and bursts of rage to say (again), “All men are as stupid as the day is long.” That may reinforce your worst fears about the gender, but it doesn’t really help you a lot.

Try making him believe it is his idea. Expound (gently) on the benefits--the benefits to him. Allow him to then convince himself. You simply have to be satisfied with the knowledge that you are the one who started the idea. You just can’t let him become aware of it.

Yes, this is a shallow way of relating. But if you are dealing with someone who knows no other way of relating (because they choose not to know another way or because they are in lifelong the habit of relating to others this way) then this sad state of affairs is their own doing. You are simply allowing them to be who they are.

Of course, this assumes you will attempt to develop a more significant way of relating to them, giving them the opportunity, from time to time, to engage in a more real relationship. When you do this, you eagerly look for signs of change and willingness from your hard-headed man. Hopeful, but realistic about the outcome.

This strategy of leading someone toward your desired goal until they arrive at your intended conclusion won’t do when it comes to you most trusted and intimate relationships. You want to be honest and real with those who are closest to you. Or else they really aren't that close to you, are they?

Stephen Goforth

The Procrastination Equation

A business professor has come up with a formula for procrastinators. It’s designed to help them figure out if they can overcome the failing. Piers Steel from Canada’s Calgary University decries theories that blame them for laziness or being too careful. Steel says up to one in five of us is a “chronic procrastinator” living with the mistaken notion that we can’t complete a task that we don’t care about. That separates the serious procrastinators from those who are simply lazy. The later don’t care if a task is finished or not.

Here’s Steel’s formula: U=EV/ID

Use a rating of one out of ten, you multiply your expectation of success (E) by the value of completing the task (V). Then multiply the consequence of failing to complete the current task (I) by your previous tendency to delay tasks (D). The first total (E x V) is then divided by the second figure (D x I) giving the likelihood of completing the task in hand or the utility (U). If you come up with a score less than 3 then you are, according to Steel, an official chronic procrastinator.

He says, "When we procrastinate, it's almost always about long-term objectives. 'Instead of attending to those, we go with what is more pleasurable or less painful right now."

Steel offers more details in his book The Procrastination Equation: Today’s Trouble with Tomorrow.

Stephen Goforth

Hold me

Don’t hold me accountable… hold me close. Bob Goff

Reading.. Talking.. Listening

Do a lot of reading. Talk to a lot of people. Do a lot of listening. -Joyce Carol Oates

God and us: The Difference

The difference between God and us is that he never thinks that he’s us.

Confusion

Confusion isn’t the enemy of understanding, they are allies. - Rhett Allain

Being in power

Being in power is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t. – Margaret Thatcher

Predicting our Future

Because we naturally use our present feelings as a starting point when we attempt to predict our future feelings, we expect our future to feel a lot more like our present than it actually will. -Daniel Gilbert

Beautiful Old People

Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Charting the Course

Anyone can steer the ship, but it takes a leader to chart the course. John Maxwell

After 20

After 20, success has very little to teach us.

Budgets

Budgets are moral documents.

"But I'm right!"

You're right not because others agree with you, but because your facts are right. - Warren Buffett

Abandoned by God

Meanwhile, where is God? This is one of the most disquieting symptoms. When you are happy, so happy that you have no sense of needing Him, if you turn to Him then with praise, you will be welcomed with open arms. But go to Him when your need is desperate, when all other help is vain and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting an double bolting from the inside. After that, silence. You may as well turn away.

CS Lewis
A Grief Observed

The next chapter

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

Your talent

Your unused talents give you no advantage over one who has no talents at all.

Living in Forgiveness

The penance of perpetual regret can be a cruel stumbling block. Despite acknowledging God’s forgiveness, you can’t forgive yourself. You must let go of attempts to “make up” for your failures and instead rest in complete forgiveness.  “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).  Let that renewal flow through you to others so that you become a channel of forgiveness, freeing others from the bonds you suffered from yourself.

“The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, ‘Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?’ They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, ‘If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.’ Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away. One at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" ‘No one, sir,’ she said. Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin.’ (John 8:3-11)

There was one man who had a right to throw a stone at her that day. Instead, he forgave and told the women to live in the knowledge of that forgiveness. Likewise, he forgives us and tells us to live in that forgiveness and not in condemnation.

The prison door is open. Will you walk out?

Stephen Goforth

Travelling within

Your circumstances.. shall not long remain if you but perceive an ideal and strive to reach it. You cannot travel within and stand still without. - James Lane Allen

Your anger

You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.
-Buddha

Murder your future

You must choose a future—and then, one by one, murder all the futures you passed over. – Andrew Boyd

"I don't feel like it"

You can’t get too much done in life if you only work on the days when you feel good. -Jerry West

There's a knock at the door

You probably won’t hear opportunity knock if you the television set is always on.

God in your own image

You may safely assume that you have created God in your own image, when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.  -Anne Lamott

Fighting again

You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it. - Margaret Thatcher

Plowing your field

You can't plow a field by turning it over in your mind.

Holding a man down

You can’t hold a man down without staying down with him.
Booker T Washington

My Confession: I deny the Resurrection

Without equivocation or hesitation I fully and completely admit that I deny the resurrection of Christ. This is something that anyone who knows me could tell you, and I am not afraid to say it publicly, no matter what some people may think… I deny the resurrection of Christ every time I do not serve at the feet of the oppressed, each day that I turn my back on the poor; I deny the resurrection of Christ when I close my ears to the cries of the downtrodden and lend my support to an unjust and corrupt system.

However there are moments when I affirm that resurrection, few and far between as they are. I affirm it when I stand up for those who are forced to live on their knees, when I speak for those who have had their tongues torn out, when I cry for those who have no more tears left to shed.

Peter Rollins

The Drama of His Last Days

It is clear that all through the trail Jesus never thought of himself as a victim. "I lay down my life, that I may take it again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord (John 10:17). In this situation Jesus still saw the guiding hand of God. When Pilate sought to remind him that his life was in his hands, Jesus reminded Pilate that he could have possessed no power at all, unless it had been given to him (John 19:10). Even amidst that heartbreaking injustice it was still the conviction of Jesus that he was not the victim of men but the chosen instrument and servant of God. The happenings of the last days and hours were to Jesus, not fragments in a set of circumstances which were out of control, but events in a drama, whose course and whose culmination were in the hands of God.

William Barclay
Jesus and the Cross

This is how

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.
1 John 3:16

The Forgiveness of Jesus

On the cross we see the invincible forgiveness of Jesus. Even as they drove the nails through him, he prayed, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. (Luke 23:34). It is as if Jesus said, “No matter what you do to me, I will still forgive.” If in Jesus we see the mind of God fully displayed, it means that there are no limits to the love, the grace, the forgiveness of God. We see Jesus on the cross embodying the message of divine forgiveness which he brought to men.

William Barclay
Jesus and the Cross

Jesus on the Campaign Trail

We have the image of Christ as a glorified presidential candidate roaming the ancient world. In our grand vision, he swoops through crowds, the center of attention, making speeches and inspiring thousands. Yet what we read about Jesus in the Gospels is very different. He choose to spent much of his time by himself and alone with his disciples.

Many people might have criticized him for not spending more time with large crowds where he could “really make a difference." And today, men and women work hard to draw attention to themselves and their political campaign, promoting themselves to friends and potential admirers as if life were an exercise in branding.

Jesus, on the other hand, shunned the crowds. He knew his mission and was not going to allow himself to get sidetracked. Even if it made for some “bad press."

If Jesus needed time alone and time with his closest companions, how much more do we need to pull away from the day-to-day chaos to recharge and refresh and refocus?

Stephen Goforth

The making of a fool

Nature seldom creates a fool – she merely supplies the raw material for a do-it-yourself job.

Your reputation

You can’t build a reputation on what you're going to do. - Henry Ford

Your eyes and your imagination

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Mark Twain

Atheists and Religious People

You can find very moral atheists and very immoral religious people. Both groups haven't come to terms with their belief systems.

All you got

You better not compromise yourself. It’s all you got
Janis Joplin

Youth and Immaturity

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
Flanders Dunbar

Work, Love, Dance

Work like you don’t need money. Love like you’ve never been hurt. Dance like nobody’s watching.

Real Joy

Winning is important to me, but what brings me real joy is the experience of being fully engaged in whatever I'm doing. - Phil Jackson

Wise Men

Wise men make more opportunities than they find. – Francis Bacon

The Difference

The will to persevere is often the difference between failure and success. - David Sarnoff

Listening to Gossip

Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you.
Spanish Proverb

Who are you turning into?

Who are you supposed to turn into? It isn’t who you have been, it’s who you are becoming. Bob Goff

Holding on to the Grief

When someone dies, you want to hang onto the pain of grief because that’s all you have of the person you’ve lost.

What Winners do

While most are dreaming of success, winners wake-up and work hard to achieve it.

Our priorities

Where we spend our money reveals our priorities.

Passion and desire

Where there is passion and desire, there will always be new horizons.

Chips on your Shoulder

When you take responsibility on your shoulders, there isn’t much space left for a chip!

When you’re in transition

When you’re in transition, you find yourself coming back in new ways to old activities. -William Bridges

Frustrated with people

When you’re frustrated with people, when they’ve made you angry, it use may be because you haven’t given them enough time. –Randy Pausch

Weirdoes

When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of “Me, too!” be sure to cherish them. Because those weirdoes are your tribe.

It's really simple

When it comes to men that are romantically interested in you, it’s really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do. - Randy Pausch

When you are angry

When you are angry, take no action. When you are fearful, know you are going to exaggerate the dangers you face. War demands the utmost in realism, seeing things as the are. – Robert Greene

The beginning and the end

What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from. -TS Eliot

Changing our situation

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. - Viktor Frankl

The valley

When walking through the valley of shadows, remember, a shadow is cast by a Light.- HK Barclay

The grief of losing someone

When someone dies, you want to hang onto the pain of grief because that’s all you have of the person you’ve lost.

The First Time

When is the last time you did something for the first time?
John Maxwell

Chances and opportunities

When pessimists think they're taking a chance, optimists feel they're grasping a great opportunity.

Life is Hard

"When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard.' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'"
Sydney J. Harris

Show You

When people show you who they are, believe them. - Maya Angelou

First things first

When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now.... When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased. - C.S. Lewis

Helping myself

When I can’t help myself, maybe someone else’s problems can help me. 
Andrew Boyd

Meaning and Pleasure

When a person can’t find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure. - Viktor Frankl

Achieving

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. - Zig Ziglar

Deeds Speak

What people say about themselves does not matter; people will say anything. Look at what they have done; deeds do not lie. You must apply this logic to yourself. Robert Greene

Gods and Ideas

What gods were to the ancients at war, ideas are to us. –Lionel Trilling

On Purpose

What are you doing on purpose to grow yourself? And what are you doing on purpose to grow the people around you? John Maxwell

Giving Light

What is to give light must endure burning. Victor Frankel

Growing ME

What am I doing today that is growing me to make me better tomorrow? John Maxwell