Dealing with Hard-Headed Men

Men are generally pretty thick-headed. But a man’s hard-headedness can work in your favor. Most of the time, their desires and motivations are pretty upfront.

 “He’s frowning." Does it mean he is mulling over that argument you had? Nope. He’s just hungry.

If you think much below the surface, you are likely to miss what many men are feeling and waste time attributing to them a level of emotional depth they seldom reach. You can (if you like) get miffed and back the guy in a corner. If you do, many men will simply cling to their position. If this happens, you will be able to point to their aggressive behavior and bursts of rage to say (again), “All men are as stupid as the day is long.” That may reinforce your worst fears about the gender, but it doesn’t really help you a lot.

Try making him believe it is his idea. Expound (gently) on the benefits--the benefits to him. Allow him to then convince himself. You simply have to be satisfied with the knowledge that you are the one who started the idea. You just can’t let him become aware of it.

Yes, this is a shallow way of relating. But if you are dealing with someone who knows no other way of relating (because they choose not to know another way or because they are in lifelong the habit of relating to others this way) then this sad state of affairs is their own doing. You are simply allowing them to be who they are.

Of course, this assumes you will attempt to develop a more significant way of relating to them, giving them the opportunity, from time to time, to engage in a more real relationship. When you do this, you eagerly look for signs of change and willingness from your hard-headed man. Hopeful, but realistic about the outcome.

This strategy of leading someone toward your desired goal until they arrive at your intended conclusion won’t do when it comes to you most trusted and intimate relationships. You want to be honest and real with those who are closest to you. Or else they really aren't that close to you, are they?

Stephen Goforth

The Best Teachers

The best teachers... sometimes discard or place less emphasis on traditional goals in favor of the capacity to comprehend, to use evidence to draw conclusions, to raise important questions, and to understand one’s thinking. In most disciplines, that means they emphasize comprehension, reasoning, and brilliant insights over memory, order punctuality, or the spick-and-span.

Spelling, the size of margins or fonts, and the style of footnotes and bibliographies are trivial in comparison to the power to think on paper; conceptual understanding of chemistry is more important than remembering individual details; the capacity to think about one’s thinking - to ponder metacognitively – and to correct it in progress is far more worthy than remembering any name, date, or number.

The ability to understand the principles and concepts in thinking critically through a problem outranks any capacity to reach the correct answer on any particular question. These teachers want their students to learn to use a wide range of information, ideas, and concepts logically and consistently to draw meaningful conclusions. They help their students achieve those levels by providing meaningful directions and exemplary feedback that quietly yet forcefully couple lofty ideals with firm confidence in what students can do – without making any judgments of their worth as human beings. Most significant, they help students shift their focus from making the grade to thinking about personal goals of development.

Ken Bain
What the Best College Teachers Do

Persistence against Pleasure

Francis Galton, the 19th century British polymath spent decades amassing biographical information on the lives of eminent judges, politicians, poets, musicians and wrestlers. Although Galton hoped to identify the hereditary origins of genius – he wanted to lend support to his cousin Charles Darwin’s new theory of evolution – he eventually concluded that innate intelligence was not sufficient for high-achievement. Rather, these successful men needed to also be blessed with “zeal and with capacity for hard labour.”

(Recent brain studies indicate) these diligent souls seem to get a bit more pleasure from the possibility of reward, but they also seem less sensitive to their inner complainer, that disruptive voice reminding them that minesweeper is more fun than editing, or that the ballgame on television is much more entertaining than their homework. At any given moment, there is a tug of war unfolding in our head, determining whether or not we’re willing to put in the effort.

Jonah Lehrer

Life is What You Make It

Warren Buffet's son, Peter, was only given a single piece of property as his inheritance even though his dad is worth billions! But Buffet is self-made and went by the slogan that your kids should get “enough to do anything, but not enough to do nothing.” The property was worth $90k and the younger Buffet sold it. If he had used the money to purchase his dad's stock, it would now be worth a whopping $72 million. Yet Peter Buffet says he doesn't regret for a moment his decision to use the money to follow his dream in music. He's now an Emmy Award-winning musician, composer and producer and has written a new book titled Life is What You Make It.

Stephen Goforth