Boundaries

Boundaries help us to define what is not on our property and what we are not responsible for. We are not, for example, responsible for other people. In short, boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out. Sometimes, we have bad on the inside and good on the outside. In these instances, we need to be able to open up our boundaries to let the good in and the bad out. Boundaries are not walls.

The Bible does not say that we are to be 'walled off' from others; in fact it says that we are to be 'one' with them. We are to be in community with them. But in every community, all members have their own space and property. The important thing is that property lines be permeable enough to allow pass and strong enough to keep out danger.

Boundaries are anything that helps to differentiate you from someone else, or show where you begin and end. The most basic boundary that defines you is your physical skin. The most basic boundary-setting word is no. It lets others know that you exist apart from them and that you are in control of you. Setting boundaries inevitably involves taking responsibility for your choices.

Setting limits on others is a misnomer. We can’t do that. What we can do is set limits on our own exposure to people who are behaving poorly; we can’t change them or make them behave right. The other aspect of limits that is helpful when talking about boundaries is setting our own internal limits. We need to have spaces inside ourselves where we can have a feeling, an impulse, or a desire, without acting it out. We need self-control without repression. We need to be able to say no to ourselves.

Henry Cloud and John Townsend
Boundaries

Why We Get Cranky

Studies have shown that a slight drop in blood-sugar levels can inhibit self-control, since the frontal lobes require lots of energy in order to function. Look, for example, at this experiment led by Roy Baumeister, a psychologist at Florida State University. The experiment began with a large group of undergraduates performing a mentally taxing activity that involved watching a video while ignoring the text of random words scrolling on the bottom of the screen. (It takes a conscious effort to not pay attention). The students were then offered some lemonade. Half of them got lemonade made with real sugar, and the other half got lemonade made with a sugar substitute.

After giving the glucose time to enter the bloodstream and perfuse the brain (about fifteen minutes), Baumeister had the students make decisions about apartments. It turned out that the students who were given the drink without real sugar were significantly more likely to rely on instinct and intuition when choosing a place to live, even if that led them to choose the wrong places. The reason, according to Baumeister, is that the rational brains of these students were simply to exhausted to think. They'd needed a restorative sugar fix, and all they'd gotten was Splenda.

This research can also help explain why we get cranky when we're hungry and tired: the brain is less able to suppress the negative emotions sparked by small annoyances. A bad mood is really just a rundown prefrontal cortex.

Jonah Lehrer
How We Decide

Let's Make a Deal

Would you rather have $74 in three days or $115 in three months?

That’s the question UK researchers put to more than 40,000 participants through a BBC website. They wanted to know if a person's tendancy to spend or save comes from their understanding of financies or if it the decision reflects the person's overall personality.

Almost half of those responding preferred getting quick cash. This impulsive group turned down an interest rate hundreds of times higher than what they could get from normal investments. The people showing this a desire for immediate gratification was also more likely to indulge in other impulsive behaviors.. like overeating, smoking and even infidelity. The financial impulsivity was a common theme running through their lives.

The study was conducted by University College London and the University of Warwick. You'll find details in the journal Personality and Individual Differences. (The question was actually given in pounds instead of dollars. So the choice was 45 or 70 pounds).

Stephen Goforth